The first thing you need to know about getting your brain right is that it’s not a one-time event.
That’s not to say that getting a proper relationship, whether it’s with someone who wants to be with you or someone who doesn’t, isn’t a possibility.
But the more important question to ask is, How do you go about getting there?
“It can be a pretty daunting task,” said psychologist Rebecca Levenson, author of The Joy of Love: Understanding and Managing Romantic Relationships.
“Getting to that place in your life where you’re really excited and really in love is just not possible.”
Here are the 10 reasons why you shouldn’t get your head messed up on the way to that moment.
You’ll need to make the decision yourself, which may mean you’ll need a bit of guidance.
“You’re not going to be able to put yourself into a good place on your own, so you need someone else to be there,” Levensons advice says.
“Don’t just say, ‘Oh, I’m dating this person, and it’s going to work out.'”
You’re going to have to decide yourself.
That means you’ll probably need to be honest about what you like and don’t like.
“I can’t tell you that you can’t be attracted to someone that doesn’t like me, and that’s fine.
That doesn’t mean you should be doing it,” Leveson said.
You might need to have someone present in your head at all times.
“People can be in different places at the same time,” Levingon said, which can make it difficult to know what you really want in your relationship.
“The more you know yourself, the more you’re able to understand yourself,” Leveons advice goes on.
“Your feelings don’t necessarily have to come out in the form of a negative one.
You can be honest with yourself.”
You may be more likely to feel disappointed if you can predict what you’re going through.
“It’s like you have a checklist that you’ve written down, and the more time you spend thinking about it, the less you know about what’s happening, so the more likely you are to feel disappointment,” Levinons advice explains.
It’s easy to overanalyze.
“There’s a tendency to get too bogged down in the details,” Levisons advice states.
“What is this person going to say about me?
How am I going to feel about this?
If you’re getting to that point where you can actually have a little more of a sense of what you want and what you need, you can then be a lot more creative about what your future looks like,” she continued.
You don’t want to be too specific.
You want your partner to be open and accepting about who they are.
“We all have our own feelings, but if you feel you have to put on a happy face, that’s not you,” Leverons advice advises.
It’ll be harder to be in the moment.
You need to let go of what’s on your mind, so that you don’t have to worry about it.
“Being in the present moment is not easy, but you’re not stuck there,” said Levenon.
“All of the emotions that are going on in your body are a part of the world around you.
There’s no such thing as a happy place.”
You’ve already had this conversation.
You didn’t really want to make it happen.
“Think about the feelings you have, and think about the time you spent thinking about them,” Leversons advice said.
“They can come up again and again, so think about how you can be present.”
You could end up feeling overwhelmed.
“When you’ve had your first date, you don ‘t know what to expect,” Levellons advice told me.
“So, even though you’ve decided to go for it, you may still feel overwhelmed.”
She added that you should try to find your comfort zone.
“That means getting comfortable, being comfortable with yourself, and being present,” Leverns said.
You will probably have to let your guard down.
You probably already feel a bit anxious about the future, so this isn’t necessarily a good time to make a decision.
But it’s a good idea to keep it in perspective.
“Remember, it’s all just a matter of how you feel,” Levey said.
Related: How to Get Your Brain Right When Dating a Botched Brain